Prompt for 8/25/16

1.       Have you ever felt embarrassed by the things that you used to like?

Often times, my mind will wander to the past and I'll mentally scroll through a list of things I used to like or have fun doing. As I take the time to contemplate on younger versions of myself, every time I inevitably end up asking myself the same thing:

"What the hell was wrong with me?"

So yes, looking back on my past enjoyments from the perspective of a senior in high school, there are a lot of things that I used to enjoy but cringe at now. 

Some of the first things that comes to mind are all the terrible games I used to love playing. From pointless little flash games with graphics seemingly taken from the eighties to productions from big companies designed to consume your money and/or time (always the latter for me, considering how cheap I am), I was easily sucked into them. I spent almost two years of middle school playing "Battle Pirates," an MMOG created by a company notorious for money-grubbing and repetitive gameplay with long waits for in-game achievements that trapped players; I fell for it completely. The worst part was, it wouldn't be my first time falling prey to this type of game, or even my first time falling prey to a game by the exact same company. As if simply remembering all these crappy games wasn't enough, reminders that I had played them are plastered over my Facebook wall and notifications. My past posts about these games are less easily found, but I still get notifications and spam email from them (perhaps I'm also too lazy to just simply block them). 

In addition to the games I used to play, there’s also the assortment of cartoons and TV shows I used to scramble up early in the morning to watch on Saturdays when I was a kid. Recalling the often silly and poorly written stories I used to think were great is usually enough to get me to squirm in discomfort. Once again, I ask myself why in the world I would ever had enjoyed something like that.

When it comes to embarrassment over these games and shows, there are probably two factors my current self is instinctively considering; the fact that I spent all that time playing and viewing said games and shows, and the fact that I wasted all that time on things I now find dumb. Right now, though, it’s obvious that I’ve only dropped one of those factors; I still waste time (that could’ve been spent doing something productive) on games and shows and movies, albeit I waste my time on games with more sophistication and shows or movies with better story-lines and execution. If you criticized these things I enjoy now, I’d most likely jump to defend my current time-wasters as “tasteful hobbies.” I can’t deny I haven’t ever debated the merits of certain games and shows with other people. At the very least, I seemed to have learned somewhat from my shameful two years of playing "Battle Pirates"; I'm now extremely wary of any game that has a design that screams "time and/or money waster" (the signs are blatantly obvious), and I've probably saved myself hours and hours by refusing to play Clash of Clans despite encouragement from friends.     

Funnily enough, my embarrassment essentially stems from my current self looking on the interests of my past self with great condescension. Perhaps it’s the adolescent eagerness to leave one’s childishness as far behind as possible, as quickly as possible, that drives this. So, to reiterate my answer: yes, I am embarrassed by what I used to like. A simple reason I might give would just be “what I used to enjoy was stupid.” But stupid from my current teenage perspective. Inevitably, people change and leave things behind. My embarrassment is quite likely the result of my mind subtly assuring itself that it has changed for the better, that what I enjoy now is “higher-tier”, if you will. Undoubtedly, my adult self will view my present self with the same embarrassment, eager to leave behind the dumb decisions that come with being a teen.